(I haven't edited this because I plan to translate it into a Japanese version, so pardon the sloppiness or dullness of the writing)
The most important aspect of intercultural communication is of course understanding. When people of different cultures interact and have cultural clashes or misunderstanding, they may not agree, but if the differences that cause the disagreement are understood, it is enough. Since understanding comes from logic rather than emotion, there will be less anger or frustration from cultural clashes with proper cultural communication. During my time in Japan there have been many times where I have offended others because of cultural misunderstandings. Now I understand a lot of these cultural differences, even if there are times when living in another culture can be frustrating. But by understanding why Japanese people may behave a certain way, I believe I can overcome cultural barriers by appealing to people through honesty. What I want to discuss in this report is how I have come to understand intercultural communication and use my own communication skills to solve problems that rise out of of interpersonal relationships I have had in Japan.
The first time I was in Japan I was 17 years old, and was still very immature. The problems with cultural communication that I had mainly arose from interacting with host families. I had many arguments with the first two host families I stayed with. The first family was very strict in their pressure on me to enjoy Japan, but I was still young and unwilling to explore on my own. They criticized my personality and actions. I understand now that their thinking was very Japanese. This host family had hosted dozens of different exchange students before, and they wanted me to behave like the exchange students they liked. The son told me "We want to change your thinking to be more like us, because then you will be happy." By nature my personality rejects this; I do not want to change myself to please another person. Because there were communication problems, my ideas were not able to be expressed and there were arguments. They talked to the teacher at my school during the time but their problems with me were unable to be resolved. They requested I leave their house a week earlier than planned and I stayed with a teacher from school during that week.
Now having taken the class on intercultural communication, I wonder how I could have resolved the situation. Even now, I do not agree with their thinking. I did change and mature but it was not because of their words. The sense of individual right that I had made me resent the family even more. This was not a good way to start studying Japanese culture. The son of family would always claim "I am Japanese mainstream" and say that his family are the perfect example of good Japanese culture. I later evaluated the family's thinking as a demerit of Japanese culture, and still consider it so today.
After many conversations even after living at the host family's house, I understand why they wanted to change me, and why they thought they are the ideal Japanese culture. In their minds, because they all cooperate as a family and are busy, they are happy, and therefore if other Japanese people lived like them, they would be happy too. They would tell me they look down upon people like "otaku" or anyone who is different from Japanese mainstream culture. Their idea was likely that if these people aren't the mainstream Japanese culture, they will not be accepted by all Japanese, and therefore will not find happiness in Japanese society. They justified this thinking by saying they care about such people and want them to be in the mainstream so they will be happy. When I told them that Americans don't care about how other people live their lives, they thought that it's cold and uncaring. In a sense I agree with them; however, the Japanese way that pressures people to be the same also harms people in the same way that not caring about the lives of others does in the United States. Other host families that I am on good terms with tend to sympathize with my situation, as often times they are considered to be "different" in the eyes of mainstream Japanese, in regards to religion or lifestyle. I have found that on a personal level I am on better terms with these host families rather than the first host family that I had so many problems with, and to me this is an example of how understanding different cultures through intercultural communication can bring understanding, but not necessarily acceptance or making a better relationship. The important thing is now I think I understand the thinking of my first family even if I don't agree with them.
The second host family I stayed with had problems as well. Because my second host family was a single 32 year old woman, that in itself created problems because she was not used to taking care of someone who is not yet an adult. The cultural clashes that occurred however were between my American culture and her Japanese culture. Although she had an open-mind as an individual, her cultural identity was still strong. This was an example of how even people with their own individuality are still grounded in their ow culture. The biggest problem came because her house was far away from the only train station in the area and she had to drive me to the station herself. One time I was in the city and she asked me when I was coming home. I said I haven't decided yet and she said "I'm very tired but come home any time you like" and so I stayed a bit later, and when I returned back to the train station she was late in picking me up and was very furious when she did. She explained to me later that when a Japanese person says "come home any time you like" after she said she's tired, it means to come home soon. She said this is indirect communication, and that I should have understood her intentions. Certainly, this discussion helped solve the problem at the time but there were other problems that came later. A lot of it might have been her personality, but the cultural differences were definitely a cause. However, I believe that the problems that were solved during my stay with this family was because of successful intercultural communication. Instead of who was right and wrong we discussed our feelings that we could reach a mutual understanding on.
If the first family I stayed with had intercultural communication problems that could not be resolved at the time and caused them to make me leave their home. The second host family, however, had even more problems, but through communication everything was resolved. Following these two host families I lived with three more, and there were no serious problems with any of them. Because of my experiences with the first families I was able to understand intercultural communication enough that I could forge better relationships with my other host families.
Now, living in Japan again, I have found things a lot easier. There are no real moments of culture shock, and I am able to communicate like a Japanese person does which makes making friends a lot easier. Even now though, I notice cultural differences that make things difficult. There are times when I speak openly and honestly with Japanese friends and they seem uncomfortable. I notice this, however, and explain to them why I speak in such a way and what my feelings are. I do this in the same way that the intercultural class teaches students about communicating. I think it is no problem to communicate in a way that's natural to your culture as long as you explain your intentions to people of a different culture.
When becoming good at intercultural communication, I believe it is possible to not only solve problems that arise from communicating between different cultures but also help solve problems between people of the same culture that you recognize as a cultural problem. For example: in Japan, if someone in a group does something that is considered wrong or offensive to the group as a whole, the problem with that person will not be discussed in order to avoid conflict. I notice instead of discussing the problem, people will let it die silently, but with the problem dying often the relationship dies too. Understanding this, and also being from a different culture, I feel I can mediate between Japanese people in these situations. There are other Japanese I have met that do the same, as they understand these weak points about their own culture. I think that even if it does not help the problem, it is good to make the effort. On the other hand, understanding communication in Japanese culture also makes me think about my own culture, and how I can use skills in intercultural communications when I encounter problems within my own culture.
In conclusion, from my experiences in Japan and what it taught me when living with host families, I was able to become better at intercultural communication in Japan. Furthermore, this time I am able to use that knowledge to communicate on another level as someone who communicates in Japanese culture but also has qualities from my own culture that can solve problems that Japanese would normally not discuss in their own inter-personal relationships. However, there may also be problems that arise from this type of communication on my part. Either way, I will continue to develop communication skills. Overall, the most important thing I learned from intercultural communication, whether from my experiences or what was learned in this class, is that regardless of culture there are mutual human qualities that can be appealed to in order to create understanding and possibly even acceptance. This to me is the ultimate lesson that practicing intercultural communication can teach.
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